Monday, February 21, 2005

Loud Snackers at the Movies

This morning, when Babygirl called out at 6:20 a.m., I said to my husband, "Your turn." And I slept until 7:40 a.m. My husband crawled back into bed at that point and said, "Well, at least I've already seen Shrek this morning."

I saw "Hotel Rawanda" this afternoon. The theater was about half-full, but I snagged myself a prime spot on the top row in the back. Two empty seats on either side of me, great view. A lone man on the left, a woman on my right. And then I saw her coming up the stairs. Loud Snacker had arrived, though I hadn't yet realized it.

Loud Snacker carried a tray holding a gigantic tub of popcorn, two enormous drinks and candy. The man to my left stood up and the woman sat down next to him. Now there was only one empty seat between us.

And then, the snacking began. Loud Snacker was the noisiest popcorn eater I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. She rattled the bucket, she swished the kernels, she chewed loudly. She ripped the paper for her candy, she slurped her pop. I wondered if I were on some kind of hidden-camera show or a Seinfeld episode.

I peeked at her sideways. How could she be so loud? I had popcorn myself. I love eating popcorn in the theater and I seldom watch a movie without it. Yet, as I eat my popcorn, I am discreet. I am quiet. I do not sound like a trampling herd of rats while I eat.

The Loud Snacker had no respect for the quiet moments in the film, either. She seemed to be shoveling the popcorn in with two hands. Finally, the bucket must have been emptied, for she discarded it on the floor and then tore open the candy and made more noise than I thought possible with a plastic wrapper.

The movie itself was moving and thought-provoking and grim. The acting was amazing--it will be interesting to see if Don Cheadle will win the Academy Award for Best Actor. I remember reading about the slaughter in Rawanda. It's disheartening to realize that this sort of atrocity still goes on in the world today. Where does our responsibility lie as Americans? That's practically an unanswerable question, worth consideration, though.

Tomorrow morning, I committed myself to meeting a friend to walk four miles at 5:30 a.m. If you never hear from me again, you will know that the exertion killed me.


Blogger Buddy said...

Thank you! I firmly believe that movie theater etiquette needs to be formalized. It should be punishable by law to: snack loudly, shout advice to the characters on the screen, bring children under ten to R-rated movies, bring a baby to any movie (I may change my mind on this later, but right now it's one of my laws), rest your feet on the back of a chair that has someone in it, and to have a cell phone that rings during the movie. If you actually answer that cell phone and have a conversation in the theater, ten years in prison is generous.

What ever happened to just common courtesy? I've heard people talk about it, but I think it must have disappeared before I was born.

2:47 AM  
Blogger Wash Lady said...

Right On, Sista! (& you too, buddy)

I don't get out much to the movie theatre - but the few times that I do, damn if I want to hear someone eating, smacking, slurping, talking, farting, etc.

Save that stuff for your own home and don't subject us to it.

and Mel - you're going to feel fabulous about 2 miles into it. Just remember to stretch before AND after.

3:03 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

Um...I think my face might be on a 'wanted' poster at the threater in my town.

This is due to the parent who dropped off four elementary kids and left them unattended in the theater.

These kids are probably in their thirties now, and I hope that EVERY movie they and their mother EVER see has at least four of the most evil brats in attendance.

5:22 AM  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

I once had three or four boys kicked out of the theatre because they were acting up. We teachers will only put up with so much. And you were nice and didn't say anyhting to the woman or the ushers (or whatever they are called). Right?

8:00 AM  
Blogger I Am The Walrus said...

Aren't there times you just wish you could fart on command?

8:27 AM  
Blogger Christi said...

Ha ha! You said "pop". You must definitely be from the north. I love when I hear people call cokes that.

I agree with everyone else. I especially hate when someone talks on their cell phone, or jokes around with their friends during the movie (especially when they're my age!). As far as the loud eating goes, I don't know if you could exactly ask her to stop eating, or whatnot, but if it were me I would have just moved.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Why hasn't someone invented quiet popcorn and silent candy wrappers for movie theaters yet?

Not long ago I was at a movie where it sounded as if someone a few rows back was stroking and fondling their bag of candy (rather than JUST OPENING IT ALREADY.) Crinklecrinklecrinklecrinkle-crinklecrinklecrinklecrinkle-crinklecrinkle... etc.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

And to continue on what Buddy was saying....the death penalty to anyone who brings a laser pointer to the movie and points at women's breasts through the whole thing. Off with their heads!

11:27 AM  
Blogger Square1 said...

I agree with everyone here. I made the mistake of bringing a two year old to a movie with me (Her sister was three and usually sits quietly enthralled, the big screen had even more affect on her so she was good through the entire movie) but alas my two year old pitched fits and would not sit... So she and I spen 95% of the movie in the lobby of the movie theater. I wouldn't want to have a movie I paid good money for ruined by someone else's screaming kids, what gives me the right to subject others to my own? Loud snacking, cell phones. etc. Should be outlawed.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Angi said...

Don't forget the ones who have seen the movie before and insist on warning you "watch, this, ohohoh, this part is good", or the lovers that slurp their way through the movie. Ick.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Butterfly said...

4 miles? 530am? On purpose? Because you want to?


6:25 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

Wow! 4 miles at 5:30am. Now that's dedication!

I went for a nice walk this afternoon. When the sun is its warmest! It was so nice to escape... all by myself.

I hope that my walking buddy can join me again soon.

So.... how DID the walking go?

7:05 PM  

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