Thursday, June 02, 2005

I'm So Lucky

My daughter wakes up too early, especially when I don't need to wake up early. This morning, I lifted her from her crib around 6:30 a.m. I shouldn't complain--our twins routinely woke up at 5:30 a.m. when they were small. I used to vow revenge--I said I would wake them up early when they were teenagers by vacuuming outside their bedroom door and making a racket in the kitchen, but now that the reality of them actually sleeping in has arrived I savor the quietness. Sometimes they are still dozing at 9:30 a.m. Now I know why adults might choose to rise early--to outsmart the teens.

Anyway. Back to this morning. I was so annoyed and tired. I was curled under the covers while she sat near my feet, watching Sesame Street.

Every few minutes, she'd ask, "Whatcha doing?"

And I'd mumble, trying not to move my lips, "Sleeping."

"And what I doing?" she'd say.

"Watching t.v.," I'd mumble again.

When I finally gave up and headed for the shower, I suggested, "Hey, why don't you go watch a video?" And she said, "No. I want to watch you."

"I'm so lucky," I said. But I didn't really mean that. As the boys would tell you, "Mom's using sarcasm again."

I'm ashamed that I so often take my life for granted. I want silly things--solitude, thinking time, to shower without an audience and to brush my teeth without a certain small someone turning off the water before I'm finished rinsing. I look right past the blessings I have and concentrate on how crowded I feel, how stuck, how sick I am of having little people breathing on me and blocking my path in the kitchen.

My daughter, though, doesn't know about that stuff. When I finished my shower, she was waiting for me and she gleefully hollered, "YOU'RE SO LUCKY!"

And I heard her. That time, I actually meant it when I said, "You're right. I'm so lucky."

I am so lucky.

10 Comments:

Blogger Olive Oil said...

You are lucky . Not only lucky for a beautiful family but also lucky that you still long for things you really want. Solitutde, quiet. You haven't forgotten who you really are...not just mom.....but Mel.

6:10 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

Loved this! Sounds like your kids are lucky, too.

7:06 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

Awwwww...you are BLESSED!

10:47 AM  
Blogger barbara curtis said...

And now you're lucky 'cause you've been tagged. However I haven't quite got the html mastered, so please go here:
http://mommylife.net/archives/2005/06/lets_play_book_1.html

6:04 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

And the peanut gallery says, "Amen, sister."

8:53 PM  
Blogger Christi said...

I have those same thoughts sometimes. Just the other day my son woke up way too early after me being up way too late...and I was miserable. However, it only took a few minutes to realize that life is still TONS better now that he's in it and awake too early than all that time wasted w/o him!

9:12 PM  
Blogger Square1 said...

I think we all lament private time in the shower, a meal eaten without interuption... but... we are lucky. Sometimes we forget until moments like this sneak up and look us right in the face. Thank you for sharing this.

9:16 PM  
Blogger WordsRock said...

Lucky. Indeed you are. :)

7:22 AM  
Blogger Lora said...

You are simultaneously causing me to savor my life without children and look forward to the day that I do have them.

1:33 PM  
Blogger tab said...

Since school has been out for a few weeks for the summer, I know absolutely how you feel (well except for teenager issues, but my 9yo could get an attitude if I'd let it get that far--I still have my bluff in).

10:44 AM  

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