Wow

I realized just now that Babygirl turned 21 months old yesterday. Where, please tell me, where did the time go?

Just a while ago, I heard her babbling and looked over to see her "reading" a Teletubbies book to DaycareKid. DaycareKid, typical boy, was too busy putting a pair of underwear on his head to notice. He has a horrible cold and while we were in the back yard, he blew a snot bubble that was bigger than his actual nose.

While in the back yard, I mowed the lawn and clipped ivy with giant scissor clippers that I just remembered we owned. I keep them in the front closet with the winter coats and my wedding dress so that the children don't use them and accidentally cut their brother's hands off.

Tonight is YoungestBoy's last baseball game and my ever-vigilant husband already purchased snacks for the team. Yay, husband!

Last night, I was at the pool with my four kids and our friends' three kids. We were standing on the grassy hill just outside the gate. Babygirl was running down the hill as fast as she could and the boys (and L., the outnumbered girl) were eating candy they bought from the new vending machines. The other kids' dad was coming soon and we were just waiting around.

Then four people came heading alongside the tennis courts and towards the pool. They didn't come from the parking lot, but on foot from the apartment complex that adjoins the pool property.

My immediate thought: They are not members.

My next thought: Shame on you. You just thought that because the two teenaged boys are black. You racist!

Then: I wonder if anyone will say anything. They are not members. They do not look like members. Gosh, I'm racist.

I watch the teen with corn-rowed hair and a tattoo covering his stomach try to convince the blond girl that the water was warm. Two boys, two girls. Not members. I was sure of it.

Finally, the lifeguard said, "Hey, are you guys members?"

I was too far away to hear the entire convesation, but the gist of it was, "What? Members? How much does that cost? You're kidding! Four hundred dollars?"

The lifeguard says, "You can come here as a guest of a member, but otherwise, you can't swim here."

And then, the tattooed guy floated over to a clean-cut young dad who was swimming with his toddler. "Hey man, can I be your guest?"

Clean-Cut Dad looks him in the eye and says, "No. I don't know you. How could you be my guest?"

I wanted to say, "Yeah, and besides that, it costs $5!" Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!

I apparently am actually seven years old inside.

But the little voice that talks inside my head is usually right. They were not members. And that actually didn't have anything to do with their skin color.

At times like that, I realize that I live in a society where I'm afraid to say anything negative about a person of color, for fear that I will be perceived as a racist. If I were truly color-blind, I would have confronted those teenagers the second they approached the fenced pool. I don't have any problem at all standing up to teenagers. Earlier in the pool, a tall, blond teen boy took my 11-year old's goggles and refused to return them. Until, of course, I went over and demanded that he do so.

If he were black, that blond goggle-stealer, would I have bit my tongue? I don't know. What I do know is that I seem to make greater allowances for people of color so as not to appear racist.

And are you racist if you are aware of the race of others? Or are you racist only if you discriminate? And is it discrimination to look the other way when you see a person of color breaking a rule?