Thursday, March 16, 2006

Oh Look! I Just Coughed Up My Spleen.

I began to dream today. I imagined driving to Costco, alone. I saw myself leaving my three film canisters at the one-hour photo counter, shopping for an hour, and then picking up my pictures before returning home.

And my dream came true! I left home at 5:30 p.m., made a bank deposit, and drove straight to Costco. I dropped off my film and wandered up and down all the aisles at Costco, idling placing stuff in my cart: lightbulbs, swimming trunks, pot roast, printer paper, romaine lettuce, twenty-four packs of Maruchan Instant Lunch, the noodles of choice for 12-year old boys, three cans (19 oz each) of Lysol spray. I shopped and shopped and shopped, surprising myself with the sheer number of essential items I picked up. Socks, batteries, cat food, corned beef . . .

Then, at 7:22 p.m., I headed to the photo counter, eager to see my pictures. I handed the man my Costco card and then opened my wallet to retrieve my debit card.

"Um, just a second," I said to the man. "I never leave home without it!"

My initial purse-search revealed a huge wad of receipts, tissues, tickets from an arcade, coupons and no debit card.

"Ha ha! Let me look. It's here somewhere."

More frantic digging. Beads of sweat spring up on my forehead. I wonder why my fleece jacket makes me so hot.

"Well. I guess I'm going to have to look some more over there. Just, uh, put that back."

Three times, I emptied out my purse, section by section. My debit card did not magically appear. I frisked myself, checking pockets.

Then I pushed my full cart around the corner and telephoned my husband and announced, "Would you like to hear about my nightmare?" Costco does not accept credit cards. I never carry a checkbook nor cash.

He suggested my mom could bring me his debit card. I said, "No, uh, wait. The last time I left the house was . . . Saturday when I went to that movie. Will you check my black jacket?" And that's where I'd left my debit card, safely zipped into the pocket of my black jacket.

The photo guy let me leave my stuff tucked into the corner of the photo station. I drove twenty minutes home, picked up my card, drove twenty minutes back to Costco and arrived in time for the door-guy to say, "You have seven minutes." Plenty of time!

The moral of this story: Never leave your debit card in your coat pocket, even if it seems like the best solution to the hands-full-of-popcorn-and-medium-Diet-Coke-at-the-movies dilemma. And yes, I did enjoy "16 Blocks" and no, I've never done this before and yes, we are feeling better, but no, I haven't stopped coughing, but yes, my daughter is giggling again and no, not on the brink of death.

Now, excuse me while I tuck my spleen back into place.

The end.


Blogger Amie said...

LOL, I have had to leave a whole basket of groceries at Walmart before because I grabed an expired debit card instead of the real one. I was SO upset. Glad that it worked out for you though, and that you got 2 whole hours to yourself!

3:46 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

I feel your pain.

I always leave the important stuff in my pocket. I feel that if someone wants MY money, they will have to get my pants first. In my purse I carry less important things, like a pocket size Boggle game, calligraphy pens and tammpons.

I was all set to take my mom to surgery on Wednesday, when I spilled coffee on my pants. So, I changed them.

Yes. You guessed right. I did not remove my small wad of cash from the pockets.

I just HATE it when I'm the stupid one!

6:18 AM  
Blogger portuguesa nova said...

I felt your pain throughout this piece which, lucky for you, was just a one time occurance. Everytime I try to buy anything at a store it is a 30 minute hunt for my stupid debit card because I NEVER put my cards back into my wallet. Moreover, as we attempt to pay off and get rid of as many credit cards as possible, I constantly forget to cut up and dispose of the ones that are no longer active and always end up handing over two defunct credit cards before finally finding my debit card.

6:18 AM  
Blogger ~Jennifer said...

I thought you were going to say it was another dream. I've had to call my husband to bail me out before too. I hate that.

I'm glad you are all feeling better. My 2 year old is on day 2. She threw up in my bed at 3 a.m. I never did get back to sleep. I didn't have any clean sheets to replace the ones we whisked off the bed. I'm a picky sleeper, and at 6 a.m. my 2 year old was up. I'm sooo tired.

7:08 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

I find it frustrating that Costco, being otherwise perfect, does not accept credit cards. I mean, I guess that means they don't have to have a collections division, but then again, they take checks.

Wait, your spleen just landed over here in the corner, here you go....

7:14 AM  
Blogger yorkist rose said...

Hey, is that pink thing I just coughed up a spleen? Do I need that? How DO I tuck it back in?

Oh, feel so bad for you. At least I am not sick with sick kids too... bless you.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Robin said...

OOOOOOOHHHH, been there, done that. NOT FUN. I need to go make sure that my debit card is actually in my wallet now. (PS - Leave the spleen out; it doesn't do all that much anyway!)

7:46 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Darling said...

Man I hate it when I do stuff like that! It happens all to often here!

8:55 AM  
Blogger Gradual Dazzle said...

I have SO done that. OMG I felt every moment of that!!!

And Maruchan noodles are the bomb for pre-teen kids. Martha eats them by the ton. I'm sure that when she's 30 and a raging diabetic, she'll thank me.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh goodness this describes almost every one of my outings without the children... it's like without them I also leave behind everything else! And, there has NEVER been a time where my debit card has been where it is supposed to be!

8:31 PM  
Blogger Trina said...

Ohhh my heart went out to you while I was reading this. I have done that as well and you feel sick about it, (no pun intended...hehe) Too bad you couldnt have ended that little outing on a GRAND note.

10:12 PM  
Blogger Christi said...

I've had that moment....and I hated every second of it!

10:35 AM  

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