Friday, April 08, 2005

Bad Hair

I'm having a bad hair year day. Alert Oprah. I need a makeover.

I'm not saying God made a mistake, but somewhere in the DNA hair warehouse, someone made a boo-boo and went hog-wild, inserting way too much genetic code giving me this ridiculous, curly hair. And no, I'm not thankful for it, so all you naturally straight-haired girls can just slap me.

Stylists always gather it into a thick rope and comment. "Wow! Look at all this hair!" The last stylist admired the curls and said, "This is exactly what a perm is supposed to look like!" But, a-hem, this is not a perm. And perms aren't even in style anymore. And why are my bangs suddenly curving in a backwards "C" on my forehead instead of curving straight down? They've suddenly decided to swarm to the beat of their own drummer and I am not amused.

I need bangs, obedient bangs which will frame my haggard face. I'd do away with them entirely (OFF WITH YOUR HEAD HAIR!) except that my forehead needs a disguise and because my head is too big for a ten-gallon hat, I need bangs. Regular, normal, obedient bangs. Is this too much to ask?

I can't think straight when my hair is a-tangle. I'd had it short. I've grown it long. I highlighted it for years and then three years ago, I decided to embrace my natural dirty-dishwater, how-now-brown-cow color. Then I found a gray hair.

So, at the moment, I'm distracted by my below-shoulders mane which is mainly a pain in the rain. Hide the scissors.


Blogger Eyes said...

I'm with ya. I have wavvy, curly hair. I can't wear it straight no matter what I do...but you are wrong -- curls are back in style :) Look at Oprah's beautiful doo!

10:39 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

I also need bangs, Mel. I have a high widow's peak hairline which makes my bangs real thin and prone to go wonky without a moment's notice. Especially on humid days. I'm jealous of women who can wear their hair pulled back off their face and still look great. I look ridiculous. waaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

2:32 PM  
Blogger I Am The Walrus said...

I'm really sorry that I can't sympathize with you...I want your could have the hairdresser say..."My, this is baby fine...and thin..."It's the only 'fine' 'thin' thing about me.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Judy said...

I hate hair.

I have bangs like the elf who wants to be a dentist on the Rudolph Christmas special.

I am never happy with it.

My husband believes that you can 'train' hair. We argue about this ALL the time. My hair is untrainable, or simply rebellious.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Jasmine said...

Here! Here!

I have naturally curly hair that when performing right and in the event I actually wear it down becomes the envy of other women. But 99% of the time it is just a mess all up in a pony. I haven't had bangs in a long time because of the stress it caused. They would just curl and act silly. I don't have time for that!
Sorry I have no help to offer, but it seems we are not alone.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Ahem ... if you have hair, PTL.

7:03 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

I found my first gray hair about 6 months ago. I was devistated!

Wow, you have hair that's wavy. I've always wanted hair like that. Guess we're never happy!

12:47 PM  
Blogger Cuppa said...

Bangs!! Don't you just want to take them out and shoot them???? I think that is why they are called bangs!

On second thought maybe that isn't the origin of the word. At times they make you want to bang your head against the wall! Yes, that is where the word came from.

I have neither straight nor curly hair. It do I discribe it? Lumpy and bumpy. Yes, that is it. Lumpy and bumpy and has little "flips" and "dipsy doodles" here and there where I want "flops" and "doopsy stroodles". It goes up where I want it to go down, and down where I want it up! It has a mind of its own on humid days and does all sorts of other tricks that drive me crazy then.

I rant and rave about it from time to time, and AC just looks at me and says, you have hair, just be thankful. Sigh!

7:01 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

I think straight hair is on its way out again...

10:21 AM  

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