Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Life Is Not in the Details

I'm all about the details. My husband might tell me what, but I want to know when, and who and how and what were they wearing? Conversely, when I launch into a story with a simple point, I can see my husband's eyes glaze over when I embellish the tale with the adjectives and adverbs, the less-pertinent-to-the-story subpoints.

He's a pastor and so he tries to protect me from the harsh realities he deals with on a regular basis. If you tell him something in confidence--or even something in passing conversation--he will not divulge the details to me. And not just because of his professional duty. Or because he can't really remember the details. No. He purposely shields me from stuff like that. The detail stuff.

But I am all about the details, as I might have mentioned earlier. So, when someone telephones him and shares their good news (a grandbaby born today) and bad news (some weird finger-webbing, most likely correctable), I pry. I want to know. Did she have an epidural? How big was the baby? Webbing? He doesn't know and even if he does know, he's not telling. He'll sometimes think of me and remember to ask about the sex and weight of the baby, but not always.

He's not keeping me in the dark for some sinister purpose. As spouses often do, he's treating me as he'd want to be treated--and he just doesn't want or need the details. So he figures I'm better off not knowing the details.

Yesterday was his day off. He visited a child in the hospital, a five-year-old with a mysterious blood disease. Later in the day, he visited a man dying of lung cancer. The doctors opened up his chest, realized his disease had progressed too far, and sewed him back up.

I spent yesterday ignoring the rumbling pain in my stomach while tending to the needs of six children. And everytime I wanted to gripe, I stopped cold.

My husband is healthy. My kids are fine. Rambunctious, but fine. Strip away all the details and that's what really matters.


Blogger Gina said...

I too am detail oriented. Hubba-hubba claims he is, but he really isn't!

Is it a woman/man thing or just a wife/husband thing when they don't remember stuff?

10:30 PM  
Blogger Cuppa said...

Me too! I want all the details, the more the better. AC's eyes tend to glaze over at the mere mention of more than one or two of them.

I stand and look at him dumbfounded at times like that and wonder how different Mars and Venus are. We do learn from each other though, and balance each other out in the end. What fun.

You are right, we detail people do have to learn to focus on what is really important, and not get into a downward spiral over all the details that drive us crazy sometimes.

Another great blog Mel. Thanks

5:46 AM  
Blogger Angi said...

Dealing with all the health issues of a congregation is hard, really hard. Knowing and loving those people like your own family, and watching them deal with the troubles is tough.

But I think even tougher is loving the ones that attack you behind closed doors. I know my dad has faced many of a church memeber who felt it was his right to air all his grievances with him, forgettting that if it were his boss, father, mother, or anyone else close to him, he would never air those problems.

My dad and husband are the same way, what is told to them, is told in confidence, they don't give me details, they most of the time, won't even let me know anything has been said. A pastor has to have strong shoulders, for not only does he carry his own burdens, but those of his congregation as well.

Details? Well, don't all women need them? lol.

7:01 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

Be glad they DON'T give you all the details. I had a pastor/friend tell me something once, and then made me swear not to tell anyone, ever.

I wish I hadn't listened. Because, I cannot remember what he told me, so now I never want to quote him about anything, as what if it's the thing I can't tell?

I hate that feeling of self-importance I get when someone tells me something like that. Really. I should just stuff my fingers into my ears and run away yelling LALALALALALALALALALALALA!

(i have pms...bad)

8:32 AM  
Blogger Eyes said...

Thanks for making me smile at the simplicity of things. It's the simplicity that is important.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

Most times my husband doesn't let me in on the details because he can't remember them!

8:36 AM  

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