Wednesday, March 30, 2005

How To Freak Me Out

Without telling me, turn off the ringer to the kitchen phone.

Leave three messages on my telephone answering machine. (I'm old-fashioned. What can I say?)

First message: "Hey, I'm at your house, picking up the tape, but it's not there. Call me. I'm going to XXX this morning, but before I leave town, I want to deliver the tape to my secretary so she can finish typing it today."

Second message: "Hey, I'm still in town. Call me and let me know if the tape is ready to be picked up. Are you okay? Maybe your husband could deliver the tape to my office if it's not ready before I leave town. Call me."

Third message: "I'm in XXX now and my secretary is standing by, ready to type that tape. I hope you are okay. Are you okay? I haven't been able to reach you all morning. I called your husband and he's not at his office. Is everything all right? Please call me at XXX-XXXX."


At that point (1:24 p.m.), I knew that the reason my boss hadn't been able to reach me was because someone turned off the telephone ringer downstairs. I knew this because at about noon, the worthless, barely working cordless phone was sitting on the couch and began to ring. But the kitchen phone did not ring. I picked up the kitchen phone, however, to hear my husband's voice. He told me he'd called earlier, but I hadn't answered. He was in Portland for the day.

I looked at the buttons on the phone and saw that the "ringer" button was switched to off. I turned it back on.

It was an hour later that I discovered the phone messages upstairs.

At that point, I panicked. Not long ago, I attempted to rewind a cassette tape (which I transcribe as a part-time job). The irreplaceable, valuable-for-legal-reasons cassette tape jammed up and quit working. This time, the envelope containing the cassette apparently disappeared from my front door, where I'd taped it for my boss to pick up. He told me to have it ready by 7:30 a.m. and I'd taped it there at 7:15 a.m., just about the time DaycareKid arrived.

I put Babygirl and DaycareKid to bed, then came downstairs to investigate. I called my boss: "I left that cassette taped to my front door for you to pick up. My phone ringer was off all day, so I didn't get your message. I'm going to figure out what happened and get back to you." I left a message on DaycareKid's dad's cell phone, "Uh, you didn't happen to see or accidentally take an envelope off my front door, did you?"

I walked outside and scoured my front yard for evidence of the envelope or the cassette. Nothing, other than TwinBoyB's socks which are balled up and soaked by rain on the front lawn (and I used the word "lawn" loosely).

Finally, I called my boss's office to speak to the secretary. She answered after half a dozen rings. I said, "Do you happen to have that tape?"

And she said, "Yes."

"You do?" I said, stunned and relieved.

My boss had his wife come and pick up the envelope and deliver it to the office.

Now, DaycareKid's dad will wonder at my extremely bizarre message and my boss will wonder at my groveling message, but I don't care. I didn't lose the cassette. A quirky thief is not prowling my neighborhood for envelopes stuck to doors.

The end.


Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Hey! It makes for a good blog. Maybe I need more adventures.

3:56 PM  
Blogger jackabug said...

How did the secretary get it? I
missed that part. Jackie

5:48 PM  
Blogger Christi said...

I don't understand why your boss didn't get it when he was there to begin with? Why do I feel really nervous right now? I think you had me hooked, and I was beginning to freak out a little. I'm so glad the tape was found. I wonder who cut off the ringer? Of course, you have kids in and out, so who knows who could have done it!

7:01 PM  
Blogger Christi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Christi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

You know, there's always a shortage of envelopes taped to front doors, so when someone spotted it, they couldn't help themselves!!

8:25 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

His wife picked up the tape at about 11:30 a.m., he told me later. And he also said he'd pick it up by 6:30 a.m., but I heard 7:30 a.m.--I think he was mistaken, but maybe I misheard? (And I know all this from yet another phone message he left this evening.) Oh, and one of my kids has to be guilty of turning the phone ringer off, but I'll never know which one!

10:16 PM  
Blogger Demented M said...

Hey Mel! Just stopping by to remind you about the Fool Me contest--I hope you'll participate!


4:53 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

dodododododo, hard to make that look like it sounds. Oh well. what a hassle that must have been trying to figure out all the pieces. Glad there was a happy ending though. :)

10:31 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:32 AM  

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