Thursday, February 10, 2005

Excuse Me While I Turn Invisible

I'm transcribing again, job due Sunday morning.

And tomorrow, 3-month old CuteBaby arrives for his first official half-day of childcare. He arrives at nap-time for the toddlers, so I haven't quite worked that out since I normally lay down with Babygirl and outlast her kicking me in the back until she falls asleep, which can take up to an hour.

But, hey, it's Friday and I can most certainly manage.

Because I am not Martha Stewart and I do not have a housekeeper (drat!), I will have to spend my morning cleaning my kitchen floor and putting away the stacks of folded laundry that sit on the back of the couch. I need to vacuum and pick up the ten thousand pencils the boys never notice that they've dropped on the floor. Oh wait, I can make them pick up the pencils, even though they are to be concentrating on science and history tomorrow. We're supposed to make a brain out of instant mashed potatoes, clean sand and water--I'm told this will approximate a brain when we're finished, which seems about right. My brain is pretty much equal parts sand and instant mashed potatoes.

That explains what happened during the Gallup phone poll today. At about 5:00 p.m., as I waited for DaycareKid's mom (oh, boy, she was SO late today), the phone rang and it was the Gallup poll people. A woman phoning from Nebraska gave me what amounted to a pop quiz on political matters. At one point, she asked me which country I believed was the greatest threat to the United States and I paused. I wanted to Phone a Friend, but instead, I blurted out, "Iraq?" And then paused again. "No! Wait!" I wanted to poll the audience, but Babygirl was trying to open the sliding glass door and DaycareKid was whining about his runny nose and the neighbor boys were tromping through the house and I said, "China!"



She said, "You want me to change your answer from Iraq to China?" I could tell she was incredulous, even though she's trained to be impartial. I was incredulous myself.

But I said, "Yes, China." Only I said it with great doubt and the sudden sinking feelings of losing $32,000. China?

What I meant was North Korea! I just read in the newspaper this morning that North Korea has admitted they possess nuclear weapons. That's a threat, right?

I continued to feel like a third-grader posing as a college-eduated mother as I answered endless questions. I'm pretty sure I did not get an A+ on that quiz poll.

China. I know! I'm an idiot! Eggrolls, fried rice, cashew chicken . . . what's not to love about China? They love us, too, right? What's not to love about the United States, where mothers have make mashed potato and sand brains?


Blogger Cuppa said...

Mush huh? My brain turned to pudding when my kids were small. Sigh! Just when they left the house and I started to be able to think again, I was blind slided by menopause otherwise know in our house as "Mentalpause" Yes, evidently raging hormones love to eat pudding and they had a feast on mine. Here's hoping they don't like mashed potatoes or mush.

5:20 AM  
Blogger Wash Lady said...

I wish someone had asked me that question.
My answer would have been: "The United States", to which the questioner would have asked increduously, "are you sure?" and I would answer again, "Yes, I am sure. The US is the biggest threat to the US."
(I'll just leave it at that until I can get my wording and thoughts straightened out because I've been trying to formulate a post for 3 weeks now on this subject but it just won't come together in something less than a thesis)

7:27 AM  
Blogger Donna said...


8:09 AM  
Blogger WordsRock said...

Wash Lady, that's the first thing that popped into my head too. We are the biggest threat to ourselves.

Making brains out of mashed potatoes sounds like fun. It reminds me (albeit vaguely) of a Catholic sex ed class The Boy and I attended. There we built models of both male and female reproductive organs out of common items such as string and sponges and straws. Quite educational indeed.


8:51 AM  
Blogger Square1 said...

Actually I probably would have chosen China. Do you realize how much of a trade deficit we are in because most of our products are imported from there? If they were to ever tell us our account is frozen (put a trade embargo on us) we'd be screwed. Because of the large importation of Chinese goods, we've lost jobs... Now tell me how is that good for our economy. They are a big threat... but in a more subtle way.

Oh by the way... this is coming from someone whose brain is about equal parts sand, muddy water, instant potatoes, and probably a good portion of chocolate pudding in there somewhere.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I agree with Wash and Square. The trade deficit with China is crazy and you can blame a lot of that on Walmart and other companies that hire out to China because the labor and materials are cheaper. I ranted about Walmart on November 22, 2004. Anyway, I don't think north Korea is that much of a threat to the US, just to South Korea. Really though, I would keep a very close eye on China...

11:14 AM  
Blogger Jan said...

You know what, Mel? I would have said China, too. Not just because of trade deficits, but because I think they are quietly ramping up for future military action. I bet you'll realize China is a threat in your lifetime.

Mashed potato brain with m&m lumps.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

You all are making me feel kind of smart. Lumpy, but smart. ;)

3:04 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Oh, and :::waving::: hi Jennifer! It's been a long time since you'e commented around here!

3:04 PM  
Blogger Debra said...

Hi Mel... Just wanted to say thanks so much for your comments lately at my blog. Oh, and for the rest of my life whenever I need to laugh, I will just have to picture your baby sucking formula out of the carpet! ...teee.heee.... I loved that whole post--one of the best ever in Blogland. :)God bless... Debra

5:00 PM  
Blogger QQ said...

You know what I hate? I hate when I hear a beeping noise and I can't figure out where it is coming from.

Anyways....where was I? Oh wait...I haven't begun.

I think my brain is 100% mashed potatoes.

6:07 PM  
Blogger Angi said...

I probably would have said China myself. They are really the only country that scares me, for many different reasons, most of which have already been listed above.

My brain these days, is just air, nothing but air!

7:56 AM  
Blogger Diddy-Win said...

Read "A Mother's Ordeal" by (I can't remember) It is a moving and true story about China's one child policy. It certainly opened my eyes to China and its history, something I was NEVER interested in until I read this book. It left me with a feeling that China was more of a threat than we think.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Diddy-win, I did read that book! I'd forgotten about it, though. Maybe it was lurking in my brain, underneath the mashed potatoes.

10:45 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Darling said...

All I can say is this is one funny post. You are hilarious.

10:34 PM  

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