Freaky Friday
Today, no DaycareKid because it's his dad's day off. I always feel like Fridays are a special holiday because I can actually leave my house and run errands. Except today the banks are closed. I think. Because it's a National Day of Mourning. I saw bits of the ceremony on television and I was reminded again that ceremony is kind of what glues us together on days like today. And not just "us", the public, but "us", those who mourn.
Way back, before we had children, we started a church. My husband did the pastor-stuff and I did the teenager/kid stuff. We had a very small youth group, but one blond girl in particular was helpful and sweet and popular at school. Her name was Andrea, and I used to feel so sorry for her, even while I admired her spunk. Her dad, you see, had been a pastor when she was a young girl. And then he screwed up. Literally. If you know what I mean.
That's why Andrea and her brother, Jordan, ended up living with their newly single-mother. Their father sold cars for a living and was largely absent from their lives.
We didn't stay at that church all that long and a few years later, when Andrea was seventeen, we received a phone call from a member of our former church. Andrea had been sitting with a friend on the side of the rural road where she lived and a car struck her. The car had been passing a slower vehicle and never saw the girls.
Andrea lived for a short time, but her brain stem had been severed and she died. My husband and I drove hours to be at the funeral. I spoke at the podium about Andrea during the funeral and when I finished, I stumbled off the stage and then wept.
But later, I found myself dry-eyed, setting up chairs and arranging food and making small talk. And (finally), here's my point. Setting up chairs is just what you do. It gives you something to do so that you don't just curl into a ball in a corner and sob until your eyes swell shut. You just do the regular, mundane stuff. You sing Amazing Grace, you sit in a pew, you set up chairs, you shake hands. There is more pomp and circumstance, of course, if you are a former president, but even when you bury a seventeen year old girl, you embrace the protocol and the ceremony and the structure because without it, you might just fall apart forever. You need the glue of ceremony.
The other thing that struck me about President Reagan's funeral was that Patti Davis seriously needs a makeover. Please, cut your hair, Patti! If my hair gets too long and unruly, will someone please tell me? Please, I am begging you.
So, Day of Mourning or not, we went and as I drove toward the freeway with Babygirl and YoungestBoy buckled into the backseat, I had the radio tuned to the funeral. Ave Maria and then Amazing Grace filled my car and served as background music to the most mundane things: YoungestBoy chattering on about Yu-Gi-Oh cards, Babygirl shouting "bus!", workers digging by the side of the road, a woman waiting for the bus, car lights blinking and slowing down ahead of me. The moment was surreal and reminded me of a movie, when the music swells and the images change in lieu of narration and time marches on. And then the music fades and the storyline picks up.
As I pulled off the freeway, I saw an odd sight. There was a goose, a Canadian goose, walking around on the shoulder of the freeway. Uh, hello, Mr. Goose? Did you lose something? I wanted to see if a car would hit it, but that would have involved me losing conrol of my vehicle and hurtling over the overpass, which would have made my husband really annoyed, so I just drove on.
Our first stop was Krispie Kreme donuts. I'd never been to the bakery before. Babygirl toddled along behind us. She refuses to hold hands. YoungestBoy was excited to watch the donuts being fried and going under the waterfall of glaze. He ate three donuts, while Babygirl ate half.
Then we went to the nearby mall. I thought we'd kill some time while waiting for Costco to open (at 11 a.m.!). I didn't realize that Babygirl would refuse to sit in her stroller, though, so our meandering path through the main corridor of the mall took forever. We went into the Gap for kids and I bought two shirts ($3.99 each!) and a pair of pink Mary Janes for Babygirl ($8.99 on sale). I tried the shoe on Babygirl's foot. She was very cooperative, but when I tried to put her original shoe back on, she cried and yelled "no!" and refused. I showed her the little shoe and I explained that we had to pay first and then she could wear it, but she cried "no" more.
Until then, she was a happy little shopper. I paid for the items and asked her if she wanted the shoe on. No. I put her regular shoe back on and we headed back outside. Which took forever, because she still wouldn't sit in the stroller. YoungestBoy pushed the stroller and kept swerving it into me. Oh yeah, now I remember why I never take the kids anywhere.
We went to Costco finally and I dropped off my film. Alas, we stayed less than an hour, so I'll have to pick it up later. I put Babygirl in the seat of the shopping cart and YoungestBoy decided to climb under the bottom of the cart and ride on his stomach. I warned him several times to keep his hands off the floor and away from the wheels. And then, two Asian women blocked the aisle and I paused. When they finally moved, I pushed my cart and it did that skidding thing--you know, when a rock or something catches under the wheel? Only, of course, it wasn't a rock. It was YoungestBoy's left ring finger.
He didn't even make a sound because it hurt so much. He crawled out with his little bloody ring-finger with its tiny little bitten fingernail and his filthy, dirty hands and tears on his face. I knew the pain was worse than any "I told you not to put your hands on the ground" lecture, but there was still a moment when I wanted to throttle him and yell at him for not listening to me when I was trying to prevent this from happening in the first place! Upon closer examination, the injury wasn't that serious. Just a little blood. I added a huge box of Band-aids to our cart and we paid and then went to the bathroom to wash up and do a little Mom first-aid.
He's fine, but he calls it "my injury." "Mom, I'm just lucky that my injury was not on my strong hand." I said, "Yes, you are very lucky." In an unlucky sort of way, of course, because do lucky boys get their ring-fingers run over by enormous Costco shopping carts?
Way back, before we had children, we started a church. My husband did the pastor-stuff and I did the teenager/kid stuff. We had a very small youth group, but one blond girl in particular was helpful and sweet and popular at school. Her name was Andrea, and I used to feel so sorry for her, even while I admired her spunk. Her dad, you see, had been a pastor when she was a young girl. And then he screwed up. Literally. If you know what I mean.
That's why Andrea and her brother, Jordan, ended up living with their newly single-mother. Their father sold cars for a living and was largely absent from their lives.
We didn't stay at that church all that long and a few years later, when Andrea was seventeen, we received a phone call from a member of our former church. Andrea had been sitting with a friend on the side of the rural road where she lived and a car struck her. The car had been passing a slower vehicle and never saw the girls.
Andrea lived for a short time, but her brain stem had been severed and she died. My husband and I drove hours to be at the funeral. I spoke at the podium about Andrea during the funeral and when I finished, I stumbled off the stage and then wept.
But later, I found myself dry-eyed, setting up chairs and arranging food and making small talk. And (finally), here's my point. Setting up chairs is just what you do. It gives you something to do so that you don't just curl into a ball in a corner and sob until your eyes swell shut. You just do the regular, mundane stuff. You sing Amazing Grace, you sit in a pew, you set up chairs, you shake hands. There is more pomp and circumstance, of course, if you are a former president, but even when you bury a seventeen year old girl, you embrace the protocol and the ceremony and the structure because without it, you might just fall apart forever. You need the glue of ceremony.
The other thing that struck me about President Reagan's funeral was that Patti Davis seriously needs a makeover. Please, cut your hair, Patti! If my hair gets too long and unruly, will someone please tell me? Please, I am begging you.
So, Day of Mourning or not, we went and as I drove toward the freeway with Babygirl and YoungestBoy buckled into the backseat, I had the radio tuned to the funeral. Ave Maria and then Amazing Grace filled my car and served as background music to the most mundane things: YoungestBoy chattering on about Yu-Gi-Oh cards, Babygirl shouting "bus!", workers digging by the side of the road, a woman waiting for the bus, car lights blinking and slowing down ahead of me. The moment was surreal and reminded me of a movie, when the music swells and the images change in lieu of narration and time marches on. And then the music fades and the storyline picks up.
As I pulled off the freeway, I saw an odd sight. There was a goose, a Canadian goose, walking around on the shoulder of the freeway. Uh, hello, Mr. Goose? Did you lose something? I wanted to see if a car would hit it, but that would have involved me losing conrol of my vehicle and hurtling over the overpass, which would have made my husband really annoyed, so I just drove on.
Our first stop was Krispie Kreme donuts. I'd never been to the bakery before. Babygirl toddled along behind us. She refuses to hold hands. YoungestBoy was excited to watch the donuts being fried and going under the waterfall of glaze. He ate three donuts, while Babygirl ate half.
Then we went to the nearby mall. I thought we'd kill some time while waiting for Costco to open (at 11 a.m.!). I didn't realize that Babygirl would refuse to sit in her stroller, though, so our meandering path through the main corridor of the mall took forever. We went into the Gap for kids and I bought two shirts ($3.99 each!) and a pair of pink Mary Janes for Babygirl ($8.99 on sale). I tried the shoe on Babygirl's foot. She was very cooperative, but when I tried to put her original shoe back on, she cried and yelled "no!" and refused. I showed her the little shoe and I explained that we had to pay first and then she could wear it, but she cried "no" more.
Until then, she was a happy little shopper. I paid for the items and asked her if she wanted the shoe on. No. I put her regular shoe back on and we headed back outside. Which took forever, because she still wouldn't sit in the stroller. YoungestBoy pushed the stroller and kept swerving it into me. Oh yeah, now I remember why I never take the kids anywhere.
We went to Costco finally and I dropped off my film. Alas, we stayed less than an hour, so I'll have to pick it up later. I put Babygirl in the seat of the shopping cart and YoungestBoy decided to climb under the bottom of the cart and ride on his stomach. I warned him several times to keep his hands off the floor and away from the wheels. And then, two Asian women blocked the aisle and I paused. When they finally moved, I pushed my cart and it did that skidding thing--you know, when a rock or something catches under the wheel? Only, of course, it wasn't a rock. It was YoungestBoy's left ring finger.
He didn't even make a sound because it hurt so much. He crawled out with his little bloody ring-finger with its tiny little bitten fingernail and his filthy, dirty hands and tears on his face. I knew the pain was worse than any "I told you not to put your hands on the ground" lecture, but there was still a moment when I wanted to throttle him and yell at him for not listening to me when I was trying to prevent this from happening in the first place! Upon closer examination, the injury wasn't that serious. Just a little blood. I added a huge box of Band-aids to our cart and we paid and then went to the bathroom to wash up and do a little Mom first-aid.
He's fine, but he calls it "my injury." "Mom, I'm just lucky that my injury was not on my strong hand." I said, "Yes, you are very lucky." In an unlucky sort of way, of course, because do lucky boys get their ring-fingers run over by enormous Costco shopping carts?
posted by Melodee at Friday, June 11, 2004
1 Comments:
I understand the "setting up chairs" thing...it *is* what you do...it is part of going on, because life does...the setting up, the ceremony, and the taking down are all part of it. There is a measure of comfort in it...
Sorry about Zachary's poor finger!
~Tina
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