Monday, April 24, 2006

Waving Tentacles

I joined Netflix and received one movie which sat in the ever-present paper pile on the kitchen counter for six weeks. Then I cancelled my account and sent it back.

I love to watch movies, but at home I am constantly distracted. For instance, just now, at 10:33 p.m., I had to step into my boys' room and scold them for horsing around and admonish them to GO TO SLEEP! If I were emotionally involved in an intricate movie plot right now and pesky kids interrupted me, the continuity of the movie would be lost and I would be annoyed.

So, I admit it to myself. I just don't like to watch movies at home. Netflix, for all its convenience, doesn't work for me. It cost me a $9.99 membership to know that for sure.

* * *

I know this post is a little sketchy, a tad bit boring, but I had a nervous break-down today contemplating my impending status as a paid Mom Blogger. My mind keeps wandering off in eight directions like an octopus out of water and consequently, all my snippets of ideas have scattered. Some things are going to change around here, which freaks me out. Any rational person is resistant to change on some level, right? Even good change?

It's kind of like I've been singing in the chorus all this time, happy to be somewhat anonymous, blending in with the other voices and now, I'm going to step forward, grab a microphone and sing a solo. And everyone will be looking at me and I'll just have to dredge up a grim smile and look over their heads at the back wall while I sing so I don't die of embarrassment and make a fool of myself.

So, the freak-out subsided and I focused my worry instead on getting a decent photograph of myself, which would be easier if I were still twenty and didn't have these circles under my eyes.


Blogger meredith said...

I don't know about you, but the older I get, the more I am bothered by change. And I don't even rent dvd's anymore, the 24 hour return time doesn't give me enough time to be sure that I'll get to watch all of the movie.
I am sure you'll be great in your "solo" career.

12:41 AM  
Anonymous Liam said...

It will be okay.

4:21 AM  
Blogger Jack-on-the-Lake said...

If your writing was good enough before you got the gig - it's good enough now. Don't doubt yourself or your ability to write great stuff. It will come once you relax and stop worrying about being judged. You are a great writer! Don't worry yourself into a writer's block...

I don't know if you do this or not, but I carry around a little pad of paper and a pen every where I go - it seems the best ideas come at the worst times to write them down. That has really helped me keep an ongoing list of topics or points of interest I want to write about later - otherwise it would escape in the baby-induced brain and never return :)

6:04 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Melodee, we have been watching you all along! You are an amazing writer. Enjoy the events in your life, and just let them flow out through the keyboard at the end of the day. Don't worry about it. I think you are naturally an amazing writer.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

A good panic is necessary before anything you do in front of an audience! It in no way reflects your talent although I do agree, it will probably change some things. It will be great!

7:20 AM  
Blogger Eyes said...

Tell me about this gig. I've missed it! I'm dying to know.

You are a great natural writer who says it like it is. That's why people so love you!!

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Kismet said...

Are you ever going to tell us about it? I know you will, I am just anxious...It isn't Blogging Baby is it? Whatever it is, you'll be the wonderful you that we come to read each day. Good luck


8:41 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

What is it about a different audience/situation/level of pressure that makes writing seem so much more difficult? You are a wonderful writer, and I'm sure that panic will transform into energy. Good luck!

(PS: I just noticed Redeeming Love on your sidebar...that was my first Rivers book, and I thought it was quite amazing.)

8:45 AM  
Blogger The Daring One said...

It sounds to me like you have "the twinge." Don't worry. You'll get over it and I'm sure you'll find a lovely picture. I just went through that same thing with the newspaper gig. They said the floating head was not an acceptable headshot. Whatever!

9:12 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

Your solo will have everyone up in the aisles dancing, and ending with a standing ovation!

My belief in your tremendous talent is unshakable. And I am sure that I am not alone, my friend.

But, I have to admit, I am tickled to finally be able to see what you look like NOW, as opposed to 30 years ago or 20 or whatever other old photos you've allowed us to see!

9:33 AM  
Blogger Leslee said...

You're going to do great! Now, take a deep breath, hold it for three seconds and release it slowly. Repeat as necessary.

You have such an amazing talent that there is no way you can fail so just enjoy the microphone and spotlight while it last!

10:40 AM  
Blogger oshee said...

You are going to do wonderfully Mel. Your family is providing you with all the inspiration you need as we see in your blog every week. Just trust that they will continue to surprise and touch you and your writing will come as it should.

We do netflicks. For about six months it worked great. I watched maybe two of the movies that came..and my husband was in heaven with always having a new movie to watch. But, we got two movies he isn't highly inspired to watch, but feels like he can't send them back until they've been seen. Hmm..maybe I should just send them back without him knowing. LOL. I think I'll just do that. Then if he doesn't watch then next ones that come, I can cancel the service without too much of an argument.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

Always remember...

Bird by Bird.

10:58 AM  
Blogger Jody said...

I am never able to watch a movie from start to finish. It can be so frustrating.

As for the stage fright.....hang in there and ride the wave of it. You are going to be fantastic!

11:00 AM  
Blogger Jan said...

Oh, please don't come up with some airbrushed, perfect mommy, sexy wife photograph. Then we wouldn't identify with you anymore!!! Oh, no... the circles under your eyes will serve to show the world how difficult this mommy stuff really is!!

My husband uses Netflix. He gets a movie, watches it that night and sends it away the next morning. From time to time he will order a movie for me. If I don't watch it within 3 days, he sends it back. So far, I've never seen one. I told him I would prefer if he would just give up....I'll watch movies when my children go to college.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous jennie said...

I recently gave up Netflix, but not because I didn't enjoy it. It was making me too stressed out because I didn't feel I was getting my money's worth.

Congrats on getting a blogging gig! You'll do great. You are a natural writer. I enjoy every single post of yours - even the ones you think are boring.

11:59 AM  
Blogger ABC Momma said...

Never tried Netflix--I just watch the pay-per-view movies from the satellite after the kids are in bed. We have the kind of receiver that records so I can watch them whenever I want. It costs as much if not less than a rental.

There's a quote on my blog today that I've really liked that may help the stage fright. You're an inspiration.

1:22 PM  
Blogger Maryanne said...

The people who step up to the front and sing a solo use the same voice they were using in the choir, and sing the same songs they know. Your "voice" is beautiful, your songs are beautiful, and I'm so glad that more people will have a chance to experience it. You'll be great!

1:43 PM  
Blogger MissKris said...

Even tho I never got paid for it, I totally understand where you're coming from on this one. Back in the 80s when my kids were approximately around the age yours are and I was working full time for a couple of years, trying to do volunteer work at church, keep things together at home, and find time for my family -- forget about time for ME!! -- I was asked by my church organization to become part of a 3-member team of writers to completely rewrite and revamp our faith's Sunday School curriculum for the Primary Department kids...3rd thru 5th graders, I believe. It took us something like two years to do and every time we'd get a new batch of topics to write about, I'd take them with a mixture of trepidation and eagerness. What an undertaking and responsibility!! I look back on it all these years later and I dunno how on earth we did it. Sometimes the words would flow, other times the writer's block was insurmountable, or so it seemed, but the Lord always got us thru it. As far as I know, it's still used by our churches all around the's been years since my kids were that age and I haven't looked at a Primary Pal since then, I don't think. By the time the project was done I was SO thankful!! There's nothing more daunting than sitting in a board room full of ministerial staff editing your writing, ha! But Mel, it was so thrilling, too, to see all those stories that Gayla, Bonnie, and I wrote in print with the illustrations to accompany them. I'm sure you're gonna shine forth and love every minute of it, too, even those hair-pulling, nail-biting moments of self-doubt and agonizing writer's block that will hit you every now and then. It's every writer's greatest dream. I'm so glad to see yours coming true! ((((HUG))))

7:01 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I'm the same way - even after getting published several times, I'm still caught by surprise every time someone decides my writing is worthy of printing. Silly, but oh so human.

You will do well, and you have your very own cheering section all ready to back you up!

8:22 PM  

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