Monday, January 02, 2006

A Waste of Two Hours, But At Least I Wasn't Doing Laundry

This afternoon, I went to see Jennifer Aniston's movie, "Rumor Has It." I had no deep desire to see this movie, but nothing else better was playing when I was able to get out of the house.

The only remarkable thing about the movie was that every single amusing line was featured in the trailers. So, if you've seen the trailers, don't bother seeing the movie. Why do Hollywood movie publicity people do that? Can't they save even one funny line so you can pretend to be surprised and amused during a rather plodding, dull movie? I was bored and you will be, too.

Unless, of course, you are like those three women who sat two rows ahead of me. They evenly spaced themselves out in seven seats. The center woman sported a shiny bald head. Each of them needed the extra space afforded by the empty seat between them, but they didn't let the space stop them from tossing remarks back and forth.

And they loved this movie. They chortled. They guffawed. They giggled. And toward the end, one of them sniffled and wept--sobbed, really--loudly. I can sometimes be reduced to tears by a children's book or song lyrics, yet this movie left me completely unmoved. I wondered if perhaps I keep my reservoir of emotion so deep that a Jennifer Aniston movie cannot reach it.

Or maybe those three women ahead of me just have a vast pool of emotion under a thin membrane of composure.

Maybe I'm just dead to the romantic comedy in which you have to believe that the main character is dumber than a doorknob, so dumb, in fact, that it never occurred to her that . . . well, I don't want to spoil the movie for you. But trust me. No one can be that dumb.

10 Comments:

Blogger ...just-rambling... said...

Thanks for the movie review. I guess I won't even bother renting it when it comes out in video or DVD. Sounds like the people in front of you were more entertaining. (lol)

6:44 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Good to know! I'm not working today or tomorrow so was trying to think of some mindless movie I could go to just to "escape" for a bit. Sounds like this one is just a bit too mindless.

8:15 AM  
Blogger The Dung Beetle said...

Isn't that the movie with Kevin Costner in it? Haven't you learned by now to avoid anything that K.C. headlines at all costs?

"Waterworld" ring any bells? How about "The Postman"? Did you somehow fail to notice that Costner has the acting range of a petrified peachwood and the screen-presence of Ben Stein on Ritalin?

And don't even get me started on Jennifer Whatshername, who's only talent seems to be that confused, wounded-but-resolute puppydog face she mastered by posing for all those junkfood magazines after Brad Pitt left her.

And don't even get me started on Brad Pitt, whose last name seems to describe his acting range as well.

Save your money on movie tickets and serve a greater contribution to society by investing the money formerly spent on crappy movies, like the one mentioned in this blog, into research to get these one-trick, pretty ponies blasted into outer-space.

Here?s a good rule of thumb: if Brad Pitt, Jennifer Whatshername, Kevin Costner, Jennifer Lopez, or Will Smith appear anywhere in a movie trailer, wait for the DVD, and ensure that the DVD is free, or that it comes with a 5th of Brandy and an apology.

Oh? and that 50-cent character too? DON?T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HIM? how did this nutjob get a movie-roll? Act? That guy can barely speak in coherent sentences! Wait a sec? he doesn?t read blogs, does he? Who am I kidding? He can?t read! Hmmm? I better shut up though? folks who diss him usually end-up shot. He scares me.

I?ve said too much. Time to go back into hiding.

I sure hope he can?t read?

10:31 AM  
Blogger Extra Strength Surfing Fingers said...

I hate it when the only good parts in a movie are in the trailer. Hate it hate it hate it.

I want to go see King Kong. Everybody I know that has seen it said it was fantastic.

Take care! :)

11:02 AM  
Blogger Jan said...

It takes all kinds, eh? But thanks for the warning. It doesn't sound like my kind.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Expat Traveler said...

I'll make sure I miss it then - thanks for the heads up. :) Well getting out of the house for me usually involves going shopping, even if I don't buy a thing. I think I would have done that if I were in your situation, but that's just me...

2:05 PM  
Blogger fidy cen said...

Yo, BJs, dawg. You got yosef some diareea of da mouf. I ain't gonna hurt you. You dun already hurt yosef wid dat blue face. Wha choo all in my grill fo? I so too can read, g, yo check it out, yeah, you wanna know how I can git a tootsie ro? Ez man, you git in yo benzy and you git to the sto and you buy a tootsie ro wid you platinum American Express card. Did you go to college to learn how to ax questions like dat?

But, yo blue man, I don't like you dissen and throwing smack about my boy Kevin. I cried in the Big Cheel, man. He was one good dead guy.

4:23 PM  
Blogger grace said...

Mel,
I'm gonna see it anyway ;). really.
I'm just a sucker for Jennifer Aniston. I think she's so cute. I doubt I'll guffaw like the women in front of you...but I can already imagine feeling compassionate toward her...i'm just stupidly loyal that way toward her after that idiot of a husband dumped her like he did. And yeah...i know...two wrongs don't make a right...but i'm pretty sure i'll probably enjoy that movie...and that's okay? right????? we can still be friends?????? :)

5:40 PM  
Blogger WordsRock said...

Jennifer Aniston is hot. I've never seen her movies though. I prefer her still shots. ;)

Suzanne

7:21 PM  
Blogger The Daring One said...

I'm very glad to hear a Jennifer Anniston movie cannot touch your very soul. I can now continue to read your blog. I owe you a recipe. I will get on it.

4:31 PM  

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