Doling Out Mustard Wisely
As some of you know, I did not fall to the floor in sticky mirth while watching the bonafide hit movie The 40-Year Old Virgin. Aside from the fact that I don't find the idea of a 40-year old virgin particularly hilarious or mock-worthy, I was offended by the overuse of the f-word. I read that that word was used 68 times during the course of the movie. I think that's excessive.
I realize that I am in a teeny-tiny minority on this matter.
A particular blogging friend (who shall remain nameless, at least until she consents to being quoted) sent an email with this remark: "I was telling [my 16-year old son] about Mel not liking the word 'f*ck' and he said, 'Oh, she's one of thoooose' (hehehehe) then he went on to say, '"F*ck" is an enhancer, it's like adding mustard to a hot dog.' Well, there ya go."
And that sort of sums up my point. Would you put mustard on everything? Say you're at a fancy dinner party eating lobster and asparagus quiche . . . do you douse it with mustard? Say you're eating cookies with your three-year-old. Do you frost them with mustard?
Mustard on spaghetti?
Mustard on eggs?
Mustard on pudding?
Mustard in orange juice?
Mustard on shrimp-fried rice?
No. You do not.
I like mustard as much as the next girl. Occasionally, that is. I also use a thesaurus full of other condiments. (When my twins were toddlers, once they had ketchup for lunch. Just ketchup. I thought you'd like to know.) Why limit yourself to mustard when there is a whole wide world of sauces, condiments and flavorings?
Please, people, use your condiments wisely. Otherwise, the whole wide world will reek like a hot dog stand and we don't need that now, do we?
I realize that I am in a teeny-tiny minority on this matter.
A particular blogging friend (who shall remain nameless, at least until she consents to being quoted) sent an email with this remark: "I was telling [my 16-year old son] about Mel not liking the word 'f*ck' and he said, 'Oh, she's one of thoooose' (hehehehe) then he went on to say, '"F*ck" is an enhancer, it's like adding mustard to a hot dog.' Well, there ya go."
And that sort of sums up my point. Would you put mustard on everything? Say you're at a fancy dinner party eating lobster and asparagus quiche . . . do you douse it with mustard? Say you're eating cookies with your three-year-old. Do you frost them with mustard?
Mustard on spaghetti?
Mustard on eggs?
Mustard on pudding?
Mustard in orange juice?
Mustard on shrimp-fried rice?
No. You do not.
I like mustard as much as the next girl. Occasionally, that is. I also use a thesaurus full of other condiments. (When my twins were toddlers, once they had ketchup for lunch. Just ketchup. I thought you'd like to know.) Why limit yourself to mustard when there is a whole wide world of sauces, condiments and flavorings?
Please, people, use your condiments wisely. Otherwise, the whole wide world will reek like a hot dog stand and we don't need that now, do we?
posted by Melodee at Wednesday, October 19, 2005
19 Comments:
no! we most certainly do not!! not a big fan of the hot dog or much mustard!! point well spoken!!
Elizabeth, it's because you put mustard on your hot dogs. Geez.
Suzanne
Interesting... I wrote about The F Shot on my blog just last week! [I like mustard, even use it sometimes... but ketchup is WAY better!]
I like the post, even if you did use a little literary licence re. E's son's comment. It was mustarding great, in fact.
"mustarding" A!!!! You mustardin' rock! I loved this post. It's a great analogy! :)
Oh. My.
Well, I do think it is ever so festive that we are all discussing one another on our respective blogs. Sort of like we have formed a collective consciousness.
So for what it's worth, I love the eff word. But as Mel does not, I refrain from effing in or around her blog. But she visits me in my blog-land and dos not lecture me about my effing.
By the by, everyone is welcome to come and eff all over my blog anytime.
PS--I effing love mustard. It's the effing best!
Now I must excuse myself to go gas up the car and board up the windows. Effing hurricane Wilma is heading our way. Eff.
I love the condiment analogy. And also saying "mustard" instead.
It is sad when a sixteen year old thinks that word is an ennhancer. I am quite sure I was not allowed to say that word or anything close to that word at that age. Mustard!
You are not alone on this. My slogan is that profanity is ignorance made audible. Anyone who cannot express himself adequately without the use of profanity is either uneducated or uncouth. I refuse to even blogroll sites that use profanity. I have zero tolerance. Profanity desensitizes us and coarsens society, just as violence and pornography do. And isn't that one of the goals of liberalism? Since the 60s, they have been destroying societal norms and replacing them with nothing.
ha!
brilliant.
WHo is that masked man? I like his comment.
That is really funny. He has a blog called "Stop the REpublicans." I thought it was mostly Democrats who used the f word. (JUST KIDDING! Partly.)
Do I just love this post!
GREAT JOB!!!!
Well said.
The "F" word is boring. I've never understood *adults* who mustard their language with "f-this" and "f-that". It is as ridiculous as a grown woman dressing like a Bratz doll.
The "F" word is like the Bartles and James Wine Cooler of language. Kids like it because it seems provocative. It's a way to rebel and taste great!
After awhile, you cringe when you think of all those teenage wine cooler moments. Adults who habitually curse are clinging to the wine coolers...when they should have linguistically moved on long ago.
I quoth Spongebob Squarepants, Episode 35A "Sailor Mouth"
Patrick:Hmm... #$%%#! Uh, hey! I think I know what that word means. That's one of those sentence enhancers.
SpongeBob: Sentence enhancers?
Patrick: You use them when you want to talk fancy. You just sprinkle it on anything you say, and.. Wham-O! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!
SpongeBob: Oh, I get it! Here, let me try. Umm.. hello Patrick, what #$%#%$^ weather we're having, isn't it?
Patrick: Why, yes it is, SpongeBob. This $%#$^%& day is $%#%^&% lovely!
SpongeBob: How $%#%#%^ right you are, Patrick.
Patrick: %$#^$%#.
SpongeBob: %$%#%#%.
Patrick: %#$%^#$.
SpongeBob: You're right, Patrick, my lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation.
What about God's standard? Does that matter to us?
Anonymous, what do you mean? And why are you anonymous?
I think God likes mustard. Isn't that why he intelligently designed it so we can spread it liberally on hot dogs?
Suzanne
Love your post, Mel. I totally agree!!!
Oh my. Just one day away and look what happens.
Well, I have definitely been known to use all kinds of mustard and ketchup. Grey Poupon, Heinz, all the varieties. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, one just does not have the time to search the brain archives for the prefect word. Mentally deficient? Possibly.
I think adults can say whatever they wish, but I think if they are adult enough to cuss, they should be adult enough to know when it is appropriate. Which of course, is not all the time.
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