Monday, October 17, 2005

Avoidance Tactics

I know. I wasn't even gone long enough for you to miss me. I have apparently cured my computer woes. Next up? A cure for cancer.

Actually, I'm going to watch television in a minute or two. Surely I'll be able to find a reality show somewhere. I am at the mercy of the television programmers since I don't have TiVo yet, like the cool kids do.

Tonight, I caught a glimpse of someone I wished to avoid in the grocery store. Someone I know, but not well. So, I traveled a tangled path through the store, swerving this way and that, peeking around corners before committing my cart to an aisle. I strolled ever so slowly to the checkstand, noting that the woman I wanted to avoid was already in the next line, about to pay.

I tilted away from the woman as I unloaded my cart and pretended to study the tabloids. I would have whistled an aimless tune, if only I knew how. I practiced the "If I don't look at you, I am invisible," method.

Then, she spotted me as she walked past the checkstands. "MEL!" She yelled my name and so I feigned great joy at seeing her. She gave me a message for my mother, asked me how I am ("busy," I said, my standard answer which tells everything, and yet nothing at all).

That's why it took me so long to get home from the store tonight.

Oh, and to answer a question or two. Ellipsis asked if the coffee really is better here in the Pacific Northwest, home to Starbucks. To my chagrin, I hate coffee. I thought I would drink it when I grew up, but alas, no. I adore the smell of coffee and despise the taste. I avoid steaming drinks entirely, anyway, as they make my nose run.

But I do like my chocolate with nuts. Unfortunately, I was so busy avoiding that woman at the store that I forgot to buy any.

Also, if I could choose a Superpower, I think I'd have to go with the Power of Invisibility. Wouldn't that be handy?

10 Comments:

Blogger Judy said...

I started drinking coffee at 41. There is still time for you, Mel.

I'm always curious as to who discovered the stuff.

"If we heat these disgusting bean-thingies in water, it will not only taste gross, it will keep us up all night!"

4:49 AM  
Blogger Ginger said...

My husband shakes his head that I like coffee, and claims "It tastes like cigarette butts." Hmmm. He's right.

6:22 AM  
Blogger Eyes said...

Okay, so now I am dying to know WHY you avoided this person. Hmmm???

I've seen people do this and I get the biggest laugh out of it. I find it hilarious. Then again, maybe I should wonder why I am being avoided.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

I didn't start drinking coffee until my fifties. Started with triple-triple (triple cream & triple coffee) and settled at double cream.

I know a bit about the grocery store thing. Sometimes people don't have the time or inclination to visit, so they pretend that they don't see each other, and both know that both know.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

Started drinking coffee almost 3 years ago - was a tea drinker before that, but then I went to Brazil for 6 months. Now THAT'S coffee!! Been a coffee drinker ever since. [Although "American" coffee is not quite the same - I have to buy espresso blends to even come close to the richness of Brazilian coffee!]

8:28 AM  
Blogger Toni said...

No coffee for me either. It sure does smell yummy though.

When you figure out the invisibility cloak thing... Would you share it with me? Thought that it might come in handy when my kids keep saying... Mom... Mom.. Mom..

9:14 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

Recently I (successfully) avoided someone in the grocery store. I almost wrote about it. The reason I avoided her, was because I wasn't in the mood for a long conversation. I sometimes avoid people when I look terrible. I wonder if anyone ever avoids me...

9:56 AM  
Blogger Chelsea said...

I started drinking coffee in the service. It was free, soda (pop) was not.

It didn't become a coffee habit though until about 15 or so years ago. By habit, I mean we bought our own pot and drank it at home.

Confession time: Sometimes I've avoided people at church because I had to get stuff set up and they liked to talk a lot. I always felt bad after and eventually quit doing it...most of the time.

8:17 PM  
Blogger ellipsis... said...

I have refined the art of people avoidance, I am a chronic call screener, and I would bathe in coffee if it did not stain the tub. As I hate to clean. Nothing like the morning jolt, pass the half-n-half, amen! Love ya!

6:57 AM  
Blogger Jared Kirk said...

Toni just cracked me up with her comment...

Mel said "invisibility," not "invisibility cloak." Too much Harry Potter perhaps?

8:27 AM  

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