Friday, September 02, 2005

Written for an Audience of Helium Balloons

I sit at my desk with an array of six helium balloons looking over my shoulder. They look quite festive and I feel the pressure of their airy expectations, but I have nothing.

I mean, I thought about talking about my near-paralysis in picking out the next book I'll read. Or about my determination to scrapbook my neglected pictures--which fades by the time the kids go to bed.

We're going to a wedding tomorrow, which seemed like a lot of fun when I RSVP'd, but now . . . now I am worrying about what to wear and about how my daughter will fare under my mother's care. My daughter is shy and a mama's girl. She'll do fine. But what will I wear? And will my feet hurt?

My daughter's party was fun. She said, "I am so happy!" when we put her beach ball cake in front of her and lit the candles. She insisted that everyone wear party hats. And then today, she was ready to do it all over again. I'm just happy that we won't do it all over again for a year. Today I spent most of the day attending to all the things I neglected yesterday while I was baking cakes and whipping up frosting.

Someone pointed out to me in the comments how amazing it is that my daughter was born almost exactly sixty years after my father was born. I never noticed that before, which is odd because I did notice that my mother was 37 when I was born and I was 37 when my daughter was born. I noticed that my mother was 59 was my daughter was born and my grandmother was 59 when I was born. Sometimes, I listen to my mother talk about her mother and about the heavy burden she bears caring for my grandmother who lives alone, still, at 99. And I think, will that be me in thirty years, complaining about taking care of my mother? Will my mother live until she's 99? And then my thoughts begin to wander far into the future and I rein them back in. Live here. Live now. Let the future unfold without my constant fretting.

Well. See? I really have nothing worth saying tonight.


Blogger Judy said...

Mel. Believe me. You ALWAYS have something worth saying. ALWAYS.

After my oldest son's second birthday party, I met Bert and Ernie bouncing at face-level through a hallway as I was making my way in near-darkness down the hall to visit the bathroom during the night. Those two STILL have the ability to scare the crap out of me! So, my advice - if those balloons have faces, tie them TIGHTLY to something, as they tend to enjoy making night visits. Well, at least Bert and Ernie did!

6:15 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I think you said a mouthful!!! :) Hope the wedding is fun and your feet don't hurt!

6:54 AM  
Blogger Julana said...

Yes, live today.

10:23 AM  
Blogger WordsRock said...

Living for today makes a great deal of sense.


5:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's hard to live in the moment....especially when the moment isn't very exciting. ~Jen

8:31 PM  
Blogger Smoov said...

I agree with Jen! Often the moment is so dull you can't help but look forward to the next moment. Buddhism focuses a lot on living in the moment and this is the biggest difficulty I have and have always had.

By the way, what book did you pick? If you haven't read "The Kite Runner" then you must. It is fantastic.

9:14 PM  

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