Saturday, November 20, 2004

Most Embarrassing Moment

You know how every once in a blue moon, someone will say, "Tell us about your most embarrassing moment?" I can never pull a good story out of the air. I mean, there was that time I was waiting for a meeting to begin and I leaned over to get something out of my purse and I (as one cultured friend would say) passed wind loudly. None one in the room even snickered. But that's not really a story, is it?

Tonight, while I was filling my one-gallon red pitcher with water for the Rug Doctor, I remembered a mortifying moment from junior high.

I was in ninth grade. I'd become a model student--which is not the same as a student model, by the way. I was the student body president, a straight-A student, a sought-after babysitter, and an all-around good girl. I rode my bike to school early every morning to work in the library for extra credit. Teachers loved me. The school counselor loved me, and in fact, used to pat me on the backside, which I've come to realize was probably inappropriate, but hey, what's a little light-hearted sexual harassment in junior high?

I had a good friend named Carolyn. We knew each other from church and we both loved to sing. I convinced Carolyn to enter the school Gong Show. Furthermore, I masterminded a plan for us to dress like hippies and sing a song about nuclear war. She went along with this ill-fated idea.

The day of the Gong Show arrived. We decked ourselves out in blue jeans and headbands and padded out in our bare feet, carrying peace signs. Then we sang this song with no musical accompaniment:

They're rioting in Africa (la-la-la-la-la)
They're starving in Spain (la-la-la-la-la)
There's hurricanes in Flo-ri-da (la-la-la-la-la-la-la)
And Texas needs rain (la-la-la-la-la) the whole world is festering with unhappy souls
The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles
Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch
But we can be tranquil and thankful and proud
For man's been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud
And we know for certain that some lovely day
Someone will set the spark off
They're rioting in Africa (la-la-la-la-la-la-la)
There's strife in Iran
What nature doesn't do to us
Will be done by our fellow "man"

I thought this was hilarious. Of course, I was a ninth grader, but still. My fellow students did not find this amusing and the three judges--"radio personalities" from local stations--GONGED US before we even got to the line about the mushroom-shaped cloud, which, of course, is the point of the whole song.

The kids in the gym hooted and hollered and we slunk out, booed off the stage.

And that, my friends, is my most embarrassing moment. Until I think of something else.

So, no matter what happened today (routine household chores, including Rug-Doctoring the family room carpet), at least I didn't get gonged. For that, I am thankful. Also, I found a Barbara Kingsolver hardback novel at the thrift store when I was dropping off stuff (I had to browse, didn't I? Isn't that a requirement?). In my world, that's about as good as it gets.


Blogger Marguerite said...

How funny.

I actually paid money for that song - back in the very early 60s when it was on a Kingston Trio album. (Yes, I'm old.)

I still like it. And the world hasn't changed at all(la-la-la-la-la-la-la).

3:33 PM  
Blogger Judy said...

I have my most embarrassing moments catagorized.

Like, my most embarrassing moment TODAY.

#1 - While playing the keyboard in church today, in front of actual human beings, I played the intro for the WRONG SONG. Of course, I caught it, but then started playing the new song in the key of the old song.

Still in the catagory of embarrassing moments that happened in church, but NOT today.

#1 - While in my high school Sunday School class when I was 16, I was wearing a tight knit dress (i used to be thin). Since I don't have much in the way of b**bs, I was wearing the 'falsies' I had from my sister's wedding. Well, I had one of those cool bras that had a front clasp (this is 1975) and when I reached over to the chair next to me to pick up my Bible, the bra came unclasped, and the falsies free-fell to (thankfully) the tie belt. I really had to run out of there quickly to get everything back into it's proper place. My boyfriend (now husband) was running after me saying 'what's wrong, what's wrong?' Not something I wanted to explain to him. Although... by now... he knows...

And, in the catagory of most embarrassing moments with my children...

#1 with oldest son. 'Honey, could you get me the biggest tupperwear bowl for the watermelon?' Silly me, I said this in front of people. He brought me about six bowls, but never the biggest one. So, I explained it a bit further, and soon he came carrying the biggest bowl. He looked at me with his best 'my mother is an idiot' look and announced, 'Why didn't you just tell me you wanted the throw-up bowl!'

#1 with daughter. Again, in front of my dearest friend. Daughter came out of the bathroom, without having asked for any help. I looked at her and said, 'did you wipe?' She gave it some deep thought, and whipped the dishtowel off the handle of the fridge - wiped herself and hung it back up, all in one quick movement. I nearly died right there in my kitchen, while my friend is laughing hysterically, and vowing to NEVER NEVER NEVER use a towel at my house again.

#1 with youngest son. In a restaurant during potty training, he suddenly announces that he has to go potty. So, I leave my friends and go into the bathroom, which is crowded with old ladies. Suddenly, my son looks around and screams 'NO, I want to pee on the floor!'. He did this several times, and there was NO WAY he would go in the potty. Just kept screaming that he wanted to pee on the floor. When I went home and tried to make sense out of this with the boy's father, dad solved the whole thing by informing me that the men's bathroom has a trough urinal, so, in effect, the guys pee on the floor. Now, how would I know that?! I only hope that when those old ladies told their husbands about the naughty little boy in the bathroom that they explained it all, and I will be able to go out in public again.

Okay, last most embarrassing moment...

You didn't ask me to share mine, yet, I did.

And, if the people at my church had a gong today, I would have been gonged. In fact, I would have left the key board, gonged myself, and gone home.

3:39 PM  
Blogger QQ said...

I used to love the Gong Show! Too bad you got gonged front of the school...YIKES.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Square1 said...

See my blog, because this story is just too funny not to tell everyone!

12:04 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

I always manage to forget my most embarassing moments when put on the spot as well. Even now racking my brain, I am at a loss. I can never remember anything when put on the spot - my favorite movie, place, food - they all fly out the window, so I look like a dork when asked. Oh well. Just need a better filing system in my brain.

11:41 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

Sorry you were gonged! That was always the fun part of the show though, the gonging...I guess that is not true for the contestants..

8:36 AM  

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