He Ought To Be A Lawyer

TwinBoyB (left), TwinBoyA (front and center), YoungestBoy (right, trying to get into the picture).  

Earlier this evening, I was sitting in the back yard with Babygirl while she put sand in her hair.

Then TwinBoyB flung open the sliding glass door and announced, "Mom! He called me a jackass!" He actually seemed a little pleased, happy, smug, but he is a tattler-extraordinaire.

"HEY! Come here!"

TwinBoyA came with his hand raised like an attorney approaching the bench. "Mom, I meant donkey! Technically, that means donkey, you know!"

My boy has been reading too much again. Or succumbing to peer pressure.

I practiced "Active Listening," and then I explained that in 2004, we cannot call people "jackass" because it's not polite. Teaching children to use polite language is almost an exercise in futility, but I will persist. At least in my house, they will not use crass language.

When I was a child, my dad used the f-word. Once. Only once in my whole life did I hear him use that word . . . and I can remember his face, I remember the sentence, I remember his fury. I had been riding with my mother in her car and we encountered his vehicle coming toward us on the road. We pulled over into a parking lot to talk and then he accused my mother of trying to, shall we say, "ruin" his Christmas by inviting my brother to her house. Now, my brother and father were estranged and we were used to having to shuffle back and forth on the holidays (since my mom and dad divorced).

But he had expected my brother and my sisters and I to be at his house at Christmas. He had not communicated well, though, and a misunderstanding resulted and he was infuriated. I was completely shocked, horrified and devastated. I hated conflict and this, this word stunned me. I can still feel his anger like a heavy stone in my belly.

He taught me that people who use vulgar language do so because they lack a strong vocabulary. I've always believed so and even now, even when I read curse words in mainstream magazines (Vanity Fair, for instance), my eyes still feel seared and I kind of cringe.

So, please, go wash out your mouth with soap before you leave comments here. Thank you.