The Breaking Point
I can hear my husband's snores, even though the television news is on. The boys finally stopped talking and fell into a sloppy sleep. The little kids sleep quietly and soundly and I haven't heard from them in hours and hours.
Tonight, before I left for Weight Watchers, I asked my husband if he could put Babygirl to bed for me. He said he could if I wanted. So, off I went to my meeting and received news of a gain this week (what do you expect when you are lingering between two plans, not doing either of them?) and afterwards, I went to Target to get dishwasher liquid.
I felt like crying. I feel like a tree bending in the wind, just before it snaps and crashes into someone's living room. In other words, I am a woman who is hormonal.
When I pulled into our driveway at 8:11 p.m. (eleven minutes past Babygirl's bedtime) her bedroom light was on. I came into the house and she was halfway down the stairs, joyously announcing, "Mommy's here!" I could not understand why I was seeing her cute little face when it was past her bedtime and I'd asked my husband to put her to bed.
I went into her room with her, watched her video with her and wept. I cried because I have too much to do and I didn't stay on the Weight Watchers program and I can't seem to find time for myself until my youngest child/ren are three years old and by that time, I'll be over 40 and our trip to Walt Disney World is next summer and will I actually be the fattest mom in the Happiest Place On Earth?
Then I plopped Babygirl into bed. She protested, until I offered her the choice, "Would you like Mommy or Daddy to cover you up?" She thought a moment, then gave up and let me cover her. She stopped crying just as I closed the door. So did I.
I'm still typing (my transcription work) because I agreed to transcribe another tape. Why? I have clearly lost my mind. This afternoon, I cooked an entire dinner and then gave it away to my friend who has a newborn. Then I cooked again for my own family. (I know. There would have been a more efficient way to do that, but I hadn't planned ahead because I'm a dunce.) I feel like I washed every dish in my kitchen--twice. I also think I washed, dried and folded every item of clothing in this house. So how it is that I still have dirty laundry on the laundry room floor?
Tonight, before I left for Weight Watchers, I asked my husband if he could put Babygirl to bed for me. He said he could if I wanted. So, off I went to my meeting and received news of a gain this week (what do you expect when you are lingering between two plans, not doing either of them?) and afterwards, I went to Target to get dishwasher liquid.
I felt like crying. I feel like a tree bending in the wind, just before it snaps and crashes into someone's living room. In other words, I am a woman who is hormonal.
When I pulled into our driveway at 8:11 p.m. (eleven minutes past Babygirl's bedtime) her bedroom light was on. I came into the house and she was halfway down the stairs, joyously announcing, "Mommy's here!" I could not understand why I was seeing her cute little face when it was past her bedtime and I'd asked my husband to put her to bed.
I went into her room with her, watched her video with her and wept. I cried because I have too much to do and I didn't stay on the Weight Watchers program and I can't seem to find time for myself until my youngest child/ren are three years old and by that time, I'll be over 40 and our trip to Walt Disney World is next summer and will I actually be the fattest mom in the Happiest Place On Earth?
Then I plopped Babygirl into bed. She protested, until I offered her the choice, "Would you like Mommy or Daddy to cover you up?" She thought a moment, then gave up and let me cover her. She stopped crying just as I closed the door. So did I.
I'm still typing (my transcription work) because I agreed to transcribe another tape. Why? I have clearly lost my mind. This afternoon, I cooked an entire dinner and then gave it away to my friend who has a newborn. Then I cooked again for my own family. (I know. There would have been a more efficient way to do that, but I hadn't planned ahead because I'm a dunce.) I feel like I washed every dish in my kitchen--twice. I also think I washed, dried and folded every item of clothing in this house. So how it is that I still have dirty laundry on the laundry room floor?
posted by Melodee at Monday, October 18, 2004
4 Comments:
((((Melodee))) It seems you are crying a lot these days ... I really wish that I could somehow help out or cheer you up in some manner.
I feel your pain ... somedays I'm in tears myself over everything, but yet nothing at all. So if that is abnormal, we can be abnormal together. In the meantime I'm sending a lot of hugs your way.
I'm packing to leave for vacation. I'm behind because I actually DID clean out a closet today. When I get back, I'm turning it into a mini library. I'm hormonal too, but I feel angry. Really really angry. And sad, as I have to face the fact that my mother is clearly exhibiting all the signs of Alzeheimer's. And, my folks are traveling with us on vacation. I'm REALLY going to need a vacation when I get back from vacation. Wish I could cry. I can scream, but I can't cry (unless, of course, i watch a movie where a dog dies...).
Sometimes your life reminds me of a poem. Something written months ago about dishes and laundry never staying clean. I don't think i really understood what it meant until just now.
There is no way to do everything...especially when you are being a good friend and giving away your dinner. I know that this day has passed, and hopefully that sadness has passed as well. I really understand days like that.
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