Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Excuse Me While I Go Mad

The K12 curriculum will not be arriving for another full week. My kids are revolting against my "learn by writing" made-up busy work. They do not use capital letters. They do not put their words into tidy little paragraphs with related thoughts. They do not have a beginning, a middle and an end. And they can't spell.

But they are gone now. My husband took them with him on an errand to Costco. Upon hearing the news that they could go with him, they frantically asked if they could have an advance on their allowance. "Does Costco sell laser-tag?" they said.

The house is still. The babies are asleep. I have a giant glass of Diet Coke with Lime. And I have no idea what to cook for dinner. I intended to get a frozen chicken out of the big freezer (yes, nestled right next to the lentils), but the morning got away from me and now I have to be creative. I hope I can find something in that freezer besides old oats. The children tend to hate creative dinners (i.e. anything other than crockpot chicken or roast and potatoes).

Last night, I took all the kids to YoungestBoy's soccer practice. The practice appeared to be complete bedlam. Everytime I glanced over, I saw the boys milling about, kicking their soccer balls and grabbing each other around the throats. Only six boys participate on each team and they were all crazy with cabin fever, I guess. First full week of school and all. My older boys "helped," although I'm not sure how helpful they really were.

Babygirl had a great time sliding down the school playground slides. I improvised and used a clean disposable diaper to wipe off the rain-drenched slides. I was fairly impressed with my ingenuity, which only proves what a small world I live in at the moment. I could have used napkins, only YoungestBoy spilled an entire chocolate milkshake in the backseat of the car (on the side where the door no longer opens) and I had to use every napkin I could find to sop up the frozen treat.

I spent this morning dunking two cats' behinds in a sink full of water. We have three mutant cats, all from the same litter. Smokey is a long-haired ball of fluff, with no tail. Chestnut is a short-haired grey striped kitty with half a tail that kinks ninety-degrees at the end. And short-haired Roy is shaped exactly like a white-tail deer. My husband agreed to take the kittens from the neighbor down the street. I would have chosen beautiful kittens, not this homely bunch, but as it turns out, these cats have been shockingly gentle, even though Babygirl slings them around over her arm like a furry purse.

For some reason, Roy and Smokey occasionally have a bit of poop cling to their hind-ends. I cannot believe that it's my job to dunk them under water and stick my fingers into that matted mess to clean them up. And the cats were not even grateful. They acted as if I were the one who was getting a thrill.

The other day, I was sitting at my computer, minding my own business. Then I smelled poop. What kind of scares me is that I can tell the origin of the poop by the smell alone. I knew it was cat poop, not baby poop. (I can tell by smell which toddler is poopy; the DaycareKid has the most foul smelling diapers ever. Blech.) Anyway, so I smell poop and I peer under my desk. Sure enough, a cat is exiting, but no poop is visible.

I walk across the room to the laundry room, the location of the litter box. No poop. I scan the floor. Nothing. I walk back to the computer, see two spots on the carpet and realize, someone has poop on a shoe! I check my shoes and yes, I have a clump of smooshed poop on the bottom of my newish shoes.

I can't believe I do this job and get no paycheck. Or hazard-duty pay. Or even a Certification of Completion.

What an unsavory post this was. My apologies.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You must have an incredible sense of smell to determine poop origination! Wow. Guess that can be a negative too, though.

I wonder if you could use the lentils and/or oats as wild animal food? Like feeding ducks or such at a park? Not sure if they would eat it, but it would be one way of disposal that would be somewhat organic and not clogging up your trash. Just an idea.

Diane
http://knittingzeal.typepad.com

3:21 PM  
Blogger Jewels said...

I was having my midnight snack while reading this entry. Let's just say that reading about poop and eating cheese cubes do not go well together.

8:34 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

cheese cubes? mmmmm...time for a late night snack.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

Oh, sorry Mel. Got sidetracked by my grumbling tummy. I know how hard it is to have to wait for curriculum. One time Lizzy and I were in the car and I said "What's 2+2?
Lizzy: 4
Me: How many miles is the earth from the sun?
Lizzy: about 92 million
Me: How do you spell mosquito?
Lizzy: m-o-s-q-u-i-t-o
Me:What's the capital of Florida?
Lizzy: Miami. No, Tallahassee
Me: we just did math, science, English, and geography. That was school for the day.

At least you're making your boys write! LOL.

9:19 PM  
Blogger WordsRock said...

Ah Mel, don't be too perturbed about the writing deficiencies. They'll get there. My boy and I used to knock heads over his use of commas. Remembering those sessions makes me admire even more your bravery in attempting the homeschool routine.

Are you familiar with the Montessori method of teaching? Life skills are part of the curriculum. Perhaps until the official k12 curriculum arrives you could put those boys to work on their life skills: folding laundry, taking out the trash, cleaning the floors, etc. I'm more than half serious. :)

As for the cat's rear ends... those creatures you call cats are unlike any cat I've ever known. Cats are supposed to clean their own rear ends! They are fastidious! On second thought, maybe your cats are smarter than average. They have you well trained. :)

4:59 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

This hereby is to recognize the Completion of Cleaning Cat Poop. This Certificate is awarded to Mel for her never ending willingness to smell and clean poop in a timely fashion. Her sacrifice and determination is unfaltering.
This Certificate is awarded on this day: the fifteenth of September in the year 2004.

5:59 AM  

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